Pretend..and other stuff

Okay, so Lilly is making me freak out as to how big she is getting. She has recently started to play pretend. I can't believe she is pretending. Like not pretending to talk on the phone or walk around in my shoes, which she has done for awhile, but actually walking over to her kitchen, pretending to turn on her sink, getting me "water" and bringing it to me. She is making food and drinks and I just can't beleive that she is doing these things. To me that seems like the actions of a much older child. She amazes me daily. She has also been incredibly good lately and sweet to her sister. If her sister cries she gives her a toy. I am so blessed.
She also is so cute b/c she has been saying Milp instead of milk and I love it and she we say "see you later" and "come on, mom" and motions her hand so I follow. Its like she is this big person now with cute little kid things that make me want to squeeze her.
So I didn't see ONE person that I used to work with at the picnic I was so dissapointed, but I did get to see how much Lilly enjoys Conner Prairie-we were there for two hours and barely got to do half the stuff there and she had a blast.
Ella is still wonderful and makes me feel like I am the best mom in the world and I can't believe how big she is too. It will be no time before they are both walking and talking like crazy.

Tank tops, Karaoki, and a Reunion of sorts

I don't think men should wear tank tops-that is all. :)

I was driving in the car the other day and felt the suddon urge in all my terrible singing to go somewhere and do Karaoki. Like the all out crazy kind. I have never done it. Never had interest and probably have never been brave enough (b/c lets face it, my singing voice is terrible). But the thought of getting up there and really letting loose, like the wild singing woman I am oh say in my house, car, occasionally at the grocery store and once in awhile walking down the street just was so appealing to me. I will have to put this in my list of wierd things I kind of want to do now.

This weekend I am going to Toms work picnic. I am sort of nervous as I worked there and left in a kind of a weird way. I want to see people though that I haven't seen in years, but I don't really know if I will, but I know I will be searching for them all day. I think it will be awkward but I really want to talk to some of these folks again. Additionally, even if I don't see anyone I used to work with I am sure to see people Tom works with. And let me tell you-the man loves me so much that he talks me up considerably. He also manages to take every funny thing I say and retell it so it seems like all day long I am so funny. So one woman everytime she sees me tells me how funny I am even though I have never made her laugh. Do you know how much pressure it is to live up to being the most beautiful, funny, smart woman ever? I got to say I don't GENERALLY have a low self-esteem but it is a lot of pressure and always makes me feel like I have let everyone down when they meet me. So I am excited and nervous at the same time. I am really hoping to see a couple who while nobody in any universe would put them together while I worked there I would prod and poke them that they should consider the other one as a potential "date"-now they are married with a baby on the way. Sometimes I think I should be a match maker b/c seriously people probably would have given me the arched eyebrow of crazy if I told them I thought these people were a match. Sometimes I think I see people too well.

Finally, a MNO for me and Bible Study

I finally got to go to a MNO-well actually a MNI and it was awsome. I had a couple drinks, great food, conversation. It was nice being out for the evening. I am going to have to do it more often. We played Bunco and while I didn't win any money I didn't worry too much either about the little one at home. I was home at midnight which is crazy for me since I am often in bed by 9 but the girls treated me to a nap the next day after we went to the art fair "downtown". That was also awsome. It made me wish I spent like I used to. This is kind of a sidebar but I am what I consider a shopaholic-in all seriousness. I am currently on the wagon, but I know a frivolous purchase could send me into a tailspin. It doesn't mean I still don't love to walk around and go shopping, I definetly do-but I dont need anyone standing by me saying "go ahead and buy it-its just one little purse". My self restraint has been great for awhile now-I have only gotten nervous when I had to buy things and then I was afraid I would go out of control again, but I have managed to pull myself back. Its kind of like the getting fit thing-my resolve is so strong. I sometimes feel like I am too focused on trying not to fall-fall back into bad habits spending, eating, ect. I guess its what you have to do. Oh and I had a praise for Bible Study and actually said it to my husband but couldn't remember yesterday-it was that I went to Gymboree and I pulled a discount coupon from their giveway (they ranged from 15% of entire purchase to 50%) and I got the 50% off. I literally stood in the store for 10minutes or more just trying to figure out if I should shop knowing full well we didn't need anything..but its 50% off including sale items. I handed the card to another lady that only got 30% and walked out. Praise the Lord.
Now its time to take my resolve and my focus and start turning it towards God. I decided that I would volunteer to help coordinate the Bible Study through our MOPS group. I felt like there was a need and it would hopefully help continue to draw my focus towards the Lord. I immedietly thought of doing a wellness/health study as that is something I think we all struggle with and most of us don't involve God in the process. I think alot of us seperate our physical from our spiritual (ie God is only about our spirit). This simply is not true and actually searching for a Bible Study it was difficult b/c most studies are about our soul in one way or another. Our bodies are completely connected to our soul. In the way we feel and live-so I am hoping others are excited about this study b/c I believe it is widely overlooked as I think most people think when fostering their relationship with Christ they are to look just upon there soul/mind and that is simply not true:
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

I always feel like somebody's watchin (over) me

After seeing a friends blog-I remembered these and just had to post-I love taking pics of sleeping kids although I don't do it as much with Lilly anymore b/c oh what would I do if she woke up? The first is just her giving spidey some cuddling:

This one cracks me up. This was not posed. I walked in and this is what I saw:

Wierd Regrets

I am one of those people that constantly go over things in my mind that I could have done differently. It harps on me. I think what if I didn't say it that way or do it that way? But more often then not the wierdest things are the ones that are so completly insignificant but haunt me. When I was a senior in High School we had Senior sticker day. Every Friday the seniors would hand out stickers to all the other seniors and we would "proudly" walk the halls being marked as Seniors. I kept those stickers to put in my senior book. I didn't have a ton b/c I graduated a semester early and our class wasn't the best about doing it every Friday, but the one that kills me is that one Friday (the week of Freshman I-Steps) the seniors passed out stickers with a foot on them that said I-Step on Freshman. Hilarious right? Well the adminstration thought it was "so mean" and decided to take the stickers from everyone. They actually stood in the hallways confiscating stickers from kids saying "you should be ashamed of yourself" blah di blah.. Seriously, if this really bothered the freshman they needed bigger backbones. Anyway, I remember walking down the hall and seeing the administration 20-30 feet ahead confiscating stickers and the thought crossed my mind "take off the sticker-and put it somewhere-you will want this someday to remember everything about how silly this all is" I didn't take it off, I walked right towards them, let them confiscate my sticker and I have regretted that moment every since. So silly I know but I want that sticker so bad. I just want a piece of that day. The day that those stickers became more than just stickers. Why am I so nutty?

That sinking feeling

You ever catch something out of the corner of your eye, that just makes your heart drop to your stomach. It can sometimes make you a little sick even. The other day Tom had one of these moments. It happened when he saw this:



Lilly had taken her "babies" to play in the mud so they need a good ole' clean-when I asked him to throw something in the wash-that is what he saw when he opened it. He was quiet terrified at first.

In other odds and ends-3 days ago Ella started rolling over with some consistancy and 2 days ago I yelled for Tom and so did Lilly--we have been working on making sure he is Daddy every time now b/c she is very taken with calling him Tom now. Oh no..so it begins :)

Fun in the Sun-Glasses!

Vivid Dream, Song, Lilly Girl, drivers license

So I have vivid dreams..lots of vivid dreams. Tom sais I should write a book. Honestly if GOBS of money just landed in my lap one of my splurges would be a dream interpreter just a phone call away. I know its not real science but seriously, I want to know what they have to say. The other night I had a dream my bf and I were like two cutesy girls that were inseperable and she was dating a Senator and we would call him Senator and he even wore a button that said "Senator" on it. We decided to dress in crazy 70's clothes and she got this huge Barberella hair and tights and we got on a bus where the Senator was sitting in the back of the bus. (I also think I had a crush on him b/c I flirted a little to hard, but maybe it was the "roll" in the dream bc it was kind of sitcomy) Anyway, as I was walking to the front of the bus some old man stopped me and asked me if I knew the girl (my bf) and I was like sure we have been friends forever wanna see some pictures..where then I pulled out a stack of pictures from who knows where and start showing him-and he kept yelling at me that I wasn't showing him fast enough even though I was sliding through them like a flip book. Then Ella cried. So I was up. Wierd huh? I had another dream awhile back with John Stamos in it, but he ha cartoon eyes. Like a real person with huge cartoon eyes.
So in other stuff-the other day I was randomly flipping through the songs on my ipod and came across one I have never heard before-it was pretty interesting-I will post the lyrics when I find them online.
Next-I was at Bible Study on Tues and one of the ladies commented that boys were different then girls and her description of the differences..I was like..no my girl is like that..then I remembered that I have been told by several people who have watched Lilly that she isn't like "normal" girls. She throws herself into things, is rambunctious, not overly sensitive. My little "lady" isn't really all that girly. Sure she likes my little pony and "babies", but when it comes to rough and tumble and keeping up with the boys my girl is all about it. So while at first I thought she was wrong, I realized maybe she is right..boys are very different, but my girl is just not an ordinary girl and that works for me.
Finally, I realized the other day my drivers license sais I am 125lbs. Now I have never--or at least not since I started driving been 125lbs. I try and figure out goals to set for myself and I think-being the weight on my drivers license may just end up being one of them. I would love to walk into the license branch and they say..everything the same? And I say yes, and not feel like they could laugh a bit at the weight section. Woman are funny creatures, even when they are 15-wich btw I have a farely strict policy of not talking about weight around my girls. I so desperately want my girls to grow up thinking they are gorgous at any size. I have a girlfriend whose grandmother always called her pretty and no matter where she is at size wise and she has certainly ranged she is the most confident woman I know. More about confident woman later--but this is why I call my girls gorgous and never pick myself apart in front of them. I will leave my insecurties to myself and hopefully they won't have near as many of them b/c of it.
Such a random poster I am :)

Contradiction of Myself and Half their Size

So I was at the gym yesterday and while lately I have been listening to either sermons or various other podcasts while I workout I decided to switch to music- I flipped on Elvis and immediatly started to push harder (if only this wasn't my last 15 minutes of my workout) Anyway, not only did I push harder but I was totally lip synching, "dancing", just general crazy fun that I am sure if anyone saw me was like "crazy woman". It shot me back to college where I walked to class and just decided "hey I am going to bee bop and sing and who cares who sees me b/c this is how I am having fun with my day" then it shot me through singing in the grocery aisles and dancing out of the Y when I had a great song on a couple of months ago. Pure embaressment as I am neither a great dancer or a great singer, but for some reason when it comes to enjoying the beat I just don't care who sees me. So why do I seem so self conscious about other things, like meeting people for the first time or the 3rd time even. You see me in these moments and you would think I was the most confident person in the world..I mean I really get down (like at church when I belt out the songs-which btw Tom and I have been approached by several different people about our vigor at Church)-I guess I just need to take my booty shakin, terrible singing into other places of my life-I would love my I could care less what people think attitude to encircle my entire life-I guess this is why as a people we are supposed to constantly grow b/c we always have something to work on.
In other thoughts, I was watching Oprah a couple days ago and they were showing dramatic weight loss and one of the people had lost half their size..and I was like amazing..half their size..basically they lost a person-then I realized I am well on my way to losing half my size and still being an extremely healthy weight for my height. Interesting..half my size I never thought that would be me, but it just may be. What an odd thing to think about.

Yay Weekend, Lilly overwhelmed, my favorite time of day, and how quickly we forget

So I had a super weekend. My best friend came to town and we spent all day on Saturday together. We worked out, she helped me get some work done, and we chatted and went for a couple walks and watched a movie (Walk Hard-the Dewy Cox Story). It was just so nice to spend a whole day with company. I forget how nice it is to just have someone to talk to and hang out with all day with no responsibilty. Tom works approx every other Saturday so I am often by myself on Saturdays. Sometimes its nice to unwind, but mostly its just lonely. I could always take the kids out, but generally things on Saturdays are way overcrowded and I just can't imagine bracing that on my own. I used to take them to the grocery to get it out of the way and yea..I decided that is just torture. So anyway-point is...it was really nice having a companion.
I have recently discovered that I think Lilly gets a bit overwhelmed in groups. I used to think she was a bit antisocial, not in what I consider a bad way-she just wasn't much of a joiner. Recently I have taken her to two different friends houses that she has met maybe once or twice and she played well with the other kids and the adults. She also immediatly was taken by playing with my girlfriend who was talking to me primarly so it wasn't like she was super engaging her, but she definetly wanted to play anyway. Then just tonight she willingly played with the neighbor girl who she has only met a couple times but has in the past been fine with going and playing with her before too. It seems like its not that she is anti-social per se, but more she is a one on one kid. Which is interesting since I prefer to be one on one with people as well. I have a much harder time getting comfortable in a group then I am one on one. To be fair though I did catch her playing with a little girl at church which was super cute (the little girl was sitting in a chair with Lilly and they were reading together and the girl would take her hand and lead her around the room playing with her) while this is a one on one interaction there were many kids around so I dont know if she was okay b/c it was just one kid or what. She is also okay at her daycare-where there are several kids and she never seems to have a problem at the Y daycare either. Now first thing in the morning she isn't ready to play at Daycare and I never see her playing with kids at the Y-so I don't really know. But its just an interesting observation that she appears to prefer smaller groups of people.
I love the end of the day. I love when everything is done and we are putting the girls to bed. I love laying in bed with Lilly and reading her the train book that we love to read together. The prayer before bed..the way she takes the book and sais whoo whoo as we leave the room b.c she is reading the book just one more time to herself and then I love peeking at my tiny babe and she smiles in her sleep..she is so happy. I just love my kids....which leads me to
How quickly we forget-the suffering of pregnancy and the after pains. When I was pregannt I was sure I would never go through it again. I hated being pregnant-I loved there was going to be a baby in the end, but really there was so many issues during both my pregnancies I was sure I was done. Now that Ella is here--I feel pretty convicted (who knows what will end up happening after she gets older and maybe things will get more hectic so don't hold me to this) that I do want more kids. I am not surprised that I want more kids, I am surpised that I want to have more kids the "natural" way (not through adoption). I cant tell you how many times I said I never wanted to be pregnant again, but now..now I don't want to be pregnant next week or anything, but my heart is definetly open to more. How quickly we forget or don't really care b/c it means we get to have more children. What a blessing our children are.