A long time coming

Oh goodness-so basically I have just been busy enjoying my life. I hang out with friends, go to the gym, work. The usual. We got done with Lillys soccer-she was um...not really a team player. It isn't that Lilly is totally unsocial its just that she is just very unpredictable-sometimes she will run off and play with anyone and everyone, but then there are the times she has no interest. She is a character.
We also went to a cabin. This was our first vacation with kids ever and I was a bit worried. It was wonderful though. We just played and hung out and Lilly rode a pony a couple of times (we found out that she loves to ride and I am thinking Horsebackriding may be the thing she gets into as she grows-we will see) and took hikes..oh hikes. I learned something very important about myself on one of these hikes. We took a hike that the trail in the pamphlet said easy something else..I can't remember now but we thought eh' can't be that bad and as we started on it it was super easy-then we passed over the road..and it got crazy. Hubby and I do these things all the time where we get caught doing things a little crazy but normally we don't have our kids with us. However, we kind of our like we are in it now lets do it. We were trucking through this steep crazy, rough trail when it happened. I hear a rustle behind me and I turn to seem my jogging stroller flipping backwards and my husband is gone. This is when I found out that the question I always wondered about was "answered". Do I love my husband more than my kids? Well I was surprised that the first thing I did was ask Tom if he was okay-I couldn't see him..really I cursed and asked if he was okay-then I peer over the wheels to look at my kids and calm them down a bit due to the shock. I was surprised the my first thought wasn't "get to the children" but "his my husband okay"..everyone was fine..and it makes for a good story and it was an interesting moment in my life.
We also recently went to the pumpkin patch-it was a great little place that wasn't priced too high and we just had so much fun-I only wish it wasn't so cold and we weren't trying to get home for naptime.
Hopefully I will post pics soon.

Feeling Zen-Holding up a glass

"For me, this glass is already broken, I enjoy it; I drink out of it. But when I put this glass on a shelf and my elbow brushes it and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say 'Of course.' When I understand that this glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious."
Achaan Chaa

Busy Days, Busy Nights

Oh how busy I have been lately. I love being busy and on the go. I am so lucky that I get this life. To update on the girls they are doing great. Ella is not sleeping great through the night, but occasionally she will only get up once. I try and look on the bright side, but I would love just one night sleeping all the way through. Its been a long time without one nights rest, but I don't feel too tired so I guess I am adjusting okay to this. She is eating solids well, she really loves her bananas and beets. We aren't sure if she is allergic to sweet potatos as I have twice tried them and while she loved them we think she developed a rash afterwards-although they were different rashes on the two times and other things were going on then, so I guess we will give it a few months and see. She is sitting up much better but she is my "lazy" girl and just likes to hang out staring at the ceiling. We are working on it though. Fortunatly I don't worry about these things, she is very smart and the way she uses her hands and feet to grab things makes me believe her motor skills are very much in tact. She is a laugher, a screamer, a babbler, a lover, and just an all around sweety pie. She has these two baby teeth in the front which are so cute when she smiles. I think she is teething again though b/c she has been a bit chewy lately. Lilly is such a great big sister, it amazes me. She makes her sister laugh better than anyone, she runs to get her toys, if Ella is crying (oh she calls her Della a lot-what a cutey) she runs to find her a toy and usually comes back with a baby toy. Every morning when she gets up she asks where her sister is at, if I say she is sleeping she starts whispering (doesn't last long) but she will say shhh babies sleeping. Lilly has just been such a good girl lately-I wish she would sleep better and nap better, but I can't change it, so I just live with it and am glad that daddy helps. She has been using her words so much lately its incredible how much they start to talk once they get rolling. I have enrolled her in a kiddie soccer league which she starts this Saturday for 6 weeks. She always talks about kids playing soccer and points at them so hopefully this will be fun for her. She has come miles in her sharing too. She will say "my turn?" and when the other child gives her a turn she thanks them. She has become a wonderful thanker. She is too funny and I am just so blessed with both of my girls.
My life is getting ready to get crazy but I am so excited about it all. One major change for us is we have been having a hard time over the past couple years finding a Church home. The issue comes in when hubby was brought up in a very traditional church environment and I was brought up unchurched. So I am more looking for a modern experience, he wants a traditional service. We discovered that its best that we look within 10-15 miles of our house b/c we were going to a church 25 minutes away and we just couldn't get involved with the kids and such. The last church we went to had the warmth we were looking for but we couldn't get inline with some of the Docterine. Well I should say Tom couldn't. I am pretty moldable seeing as how I am from an unchurched world. Anyway, we have been to so many different Churches in the area, some close, some far away-some good..some pretty crazy..some for months--some only once but 3 weeks ago we went to what we believe will be our Church home..and we are so excited. Its the right size, close by, wonderfully warm people. We already know people, which is rare for us. We are amazed at God for finally bringing us here b/c it is the perfect fit. We already are signed up with a Lifegroup and met with them once and I am joining a Bible Study that I am very excited about and I may join the Book Club. My fall is shaping up to be very busy. I am embarking on two MOPS groups (what can I say, I loved one, so what could be better than two?), the Bible Study, a afternoon Playgroup, Lilly is playing soccer on Saturdays for the next 6 weeks (that went interesting today), Plus I have work, working out (which I had been doing a Yoga class, but the class took a 2 week break) and I started Strength training so I am getting past the monotony of of just doing tons of cardio. Actually, it looks like I will be doing Strength Training Mon/Wed/Fri with Cardio thrown in at the end and then on Tues/Thurs Yoga with Cardio thrown in at the end. I am glad to be shaking it up a bit. Hubby and I have also been taking lots of walks at a park really close to us. Its an awsome walk-the perfect time and so pretty. It looks like I have some blocks of time available Tuesdays 9:45 on..thats it..there is an occasional slot here and there, but I will be really busy starting next week.
Also, thank the Lord-Tom is only working 2 days instead of 3 at second job now and I am planning things better in advance so that I get an evening out. And with him working one less day, I don't feel as guilty about leaving. The Lord is blessing us everyday and I am so Thankful for being busy and finding a Church to call home, just numerous things. I am glad this is my life.
Oh and as an extra bonus-I broke the 100 mark in my weight a couple weeks ago. This is a great time in our lives (there are of course little things, like our garage door broke, the dishwasher broke, Toms car as had two major issues in the last 2 months, the toilet broke--I think thats it--but I try and focus on the positive and it will all get taken care of in Gods hands)
Thanks to all/anyone who was praying for Toms job-our first part of the prayer came through on Friday. Now for the second part (but honestly the first was very good to be pleased with for awhile)--we will see if he gets the second promotion in the next 6 months like I am hoping.

Cha cha changes

Wow!Have these past two weeks been crazy with new things. Ella started saying Ma-ma about two weeks ago-which is music to my ears as Lilly said da da first. I feel so lucky to have such wonderful little girls. She also has two budding teeth coming in which broke through without incident. Please Lord let her be even tempered about this sort of thing like Lilly was. We also decided it was time to put her in her crib as we weren't sure how much longer she would be able to sleep in the swing. We were a bit worried b/c she has NEVER slept in anything but a carseat or a swing..one time when she was about 2 months old she fell asleep swaddled next to me on the couch, but every other time she has been in a swing or carseat or bouncer. She actually slept better and has slept better ever since. She naps better, she goes down with little fanfair. I swear I am the luckiest mom in the world. My kids are so awsome.
Additionally, Lilly went potty on the potty seat 2 Fridays ago. We went in earlier in the day and she sat forever on it and her sister was in the other room crying in her carseat b/c we were supposed to be leaving-but I was waiting it out..so later in the day when I was making dinner I just put her in there and she walked it out to me with pee in it calling it water about 5 minutes later. I was celebrating like a crazy woman and so she got really excited ran into her toy room fell down and hit her head. She has not revisted the pottyseat so I am guessing it didn't all work out as well as I would have hoped.
There is more, but dinner is ready and I just needed to get all this down.

Postess w/ the Mostess

When I want to get things out quick I am a post by numbers girl so here it goes.
1. DOGS were out this morning..don't know why..don't know whose, but they terrorized the neighborhood from about 4am-6:30am. I am not a violent person, but I wanted to see great harm come upon those animals.
2. Saturday I went to the gym and as I was leaving I put Ella in the car and then walked over to put Lilly in. The door started to slide shut so I through out my hand and the door rolled forward on two of my fingers. It was an owe moment but not like CRAZY pain, but all of a sudden my head was spinning and I hurried to get Lilly in and went to sit in my seat. Lilly had wanted water so I was pouring her water in her sippy cup and the next thing I knew I was hunched over with cold water pouring on my leg from her cup. To me this is a God moment b/c I am sure that the cold water is what pulled me out of it. I had never passed out before--my ears where rushing I was dizzy and nausaus. It was crazy-you would think my fingers were broken. I must have hit a nerve or something b/c they really didn't even hurt that bad. Wierd
3. Last week, a week ago Sunday-Tom and I went to the mall to return some stuff and they were having a 4 dealership tent sale for cars and of course Tom was like..eww lets look. We knew that if we are going to have more children we need more space and really we probably needed more space anyway and my vehicle was feeling like she was not in her best condition but we weren't planning on doing anything for oh say a YEAR. Long story short, we got a great deal..I mean they were ticked...they did not want to give us this deal. I did some research later and esp for a dealership and not a private party we got a really good deal. So now I am back in a minivan..although it is huge compared to my old odyssey. I don't know whats Mini about this van-it barely fits in the garage, but at least now we have something and don't have to worry about it for awhile. Heres to at least another 100,000 miles and no more car flopping for awhile..maybe sometime I will Blog about the last two years of car flopping.
4. Last week Lilly was outside with her daddy and picked a flower and said "momma". They walked inside and my daughter gave me my first flower. My heart swells. These are the moments that I need to think of when she is throwing food on the floor while I feed her sister b/c she is done and just can't stand to look at it anymore.
5. Lilly has also started to use her sisters name..she was just calling her baby. Which while Dirty Dancing is my all time favorite movie, I am probably not going to nickname Ella baby, but we were calling her baby to her too so it was really our fault. Anyway...b/c its Ella and Lilly is Lilly..she yells it all long and it reminds me totally of "Stellaaaaaa" from Great Expectations.. (I think thats the right movie/book). Anyway cracks me up everytime.
6. Lilly also has taken to bringing both her baby dolls into the bathroom and putting one on the kiddy potty and the other on the big potty. I am hoping this is a step towards potty training, but until then-it really cracks me up..but annoys me at the same time b/c when I go to use the potty, I pick the baby up and she thinks the baby should sit on my lap. Thats not the way it works dear.
7. Ella is being wonderful-she engages so much. I love the way she studies things and she is so sweet and loving. She has had Avacados, Beets, Bananas, Rice cereal and despite my insisting never ever ever to do stuff like this Tom slipped her a bite of Cocoa Wheats this morning when I was in the shower. None of which has she been too impressed with. I guess I just have to live with the fact that Daddy isn't going to follow my rules...esp when it comes with giving Lilly Diet Coke (a battle I lost long ago). I guess this is what dads are for-breaking rules.
8. Ella also has going into crazy mode, where she kicks and thrashes like crazy..she is usually laid back so this is pretty wild for her. She has also become a super fan of my necklace...to which I sing to her "diamonds...are a girls best friend" let her tug on it and encourage her to love all things pretty and reasonably expensive :)
9. Finally, I had one of the most moving mother moments of my life about a week ago when I got up in the middle of the night to feed Ella and she gazed up at me while she was eating and then grabbed my hand and just held it. She gripped my hand the whole time and all I could think was-in a year I won't be sitting here in the middle of the night wishing I was in bed..but I also won't be sitting here in the middle of the night with my little girl snuggled up against me perfectly content in eating and holding my hand.

Avacado, cyclists, walk in the woods, health code violation

So I gave Ella Avacado as her first real food yesterday. I could tell she enjoyed it more then the rice cereal, but she didn't enjoy it as much as when we gave it to Lilly. Avacado was also Lillys first food and man did she eat it, she grabbed the spoon and she was an eager beaver. I may try something new tommorow as she really didn't eat that much tonight either. So big, I can't wait to make food-they are so pretty and fresh.
Tom listens to this guy on the radio that rants about stuff and one thing he rants about it hating cyclists. I used to think this was crazy, but now I have to say I sort of agree with him. Especially now that it seems like I live and drive in cycle row. A couple weeks ago I was driving down a MAIN road and riding straight down the middle was a cyclists. There was a sidewalk, which I know they don't like to use b/c it isn't as smooth as road, but seriously. It was a MAIN busy road. A road you go like 50 on. I was so annoyed all I could think was "why, why can cyclists just ride wherever?" I mean seriously, can I grab the stroller and just walk down the middle of the road making everyone go around me often times having to ride behind me for some time b/c the road is too narrow to pass and there are cars coming on the other side. I am just not sure why cyclists just get to ride wherever they want and right down the middle of the road when people can't just walk down the middle of the road...or can they? Gah, so frustrating.
So Tom and I got to spend some much needed time together without Lilly recently and we decided to take a hike. Lilly used to love hikes, but as she has gotten older she has gotten less patient. She still likes it, but she wants to get out and walk really slow and look at ever leaf-so its more like a wander with her and we don't get very far in a long period of time. Getting out n walks really is good for us to just talk and not have any distractions and fortunatly Ella is still at the quiet stage. The point is, this particular walk brought me straight back to our crazy days of camping and just being us when I had to pee. Yes..pee. We were too far to turn back so with a baby strapped to my chest (oh yes) I wander into the wood and took care of business. Tom tried to take a picture with his cell phone (I didn't know-I was concentrating on not peeing on myself and not falling over with the baby on my front)...I am glad there is no physical evidence, but it shot me back to pre-kids where I would hang with the guys with the best of them. I was the girl the guys actually liked to hang out with b/c I was easy going and had no problem with things like...peeing in the woods. I don't have guy friends anymore b/c I honestly don't think its appropriate and really where would I find them.....but I am glad that part of me-the rough and tumble part is still in me and honestly my husband glowed with pride.
Speaking of stuff that is kind of gross after hiking we went to eat at a place that did not have a bathroom and as I got Ella out to feed her I realized that she had pooed. And it required an outfit change. There was no waiting around. So we took a blanket out of the bag and put it on the table and I did the fasted diaper/clothes change ever. I prayed nobody would walk by and when I told Tom this he was like "why?"--um b/c I am pretty sure its a health code violation. You see while I did lay down a blanket so no yuck was ever close to the table-I still feel a little guilty..but there was no place else to change her and I certainly wasn't putting her back in the carseat to sit in it. I will say guilt or no this is not our first time. I distinctly remember changing Lilly like this (at I think the same age as I remember the outfit Lilly was wearing when we did it and Ella wears it now) at a Chinese place-it was not a poo for Lilly, but apparently while shameful and totally innapropriate I care more about my kid not sitting in their own filth then I do about health codes...funny that.
Final thought-I love my husband-he is a hard worker, a great friend and my perfect companion. I get to spend the next two days with him as he actually has a full two days off from both of his jobs and I am just so glad b/c we really do love each other alot and he is my favorite person to spend time with..I love my babies but I do kind of wish that these next two days were just him and I. We still haven't gotten a date..and we really need one.

Kids these days and Here Daddy

So I went to Target a couple days ago and b/c Thomas has been waiting tables I often carry ones and want to get rid of them first b/c who wants to carry a stack of ones? So there was zero line and nobody behind me and I start counting out the ones. 38 of them to be exact and I hear the kid like huffing and muttering under his breath and talking about he didn't know if he had the room in hid drawer, then muttered an apology. It didn't help that my mom was making noise too about me paying all in ones..hey its what I had-at least I was paying in cash. Anyway there still was NO line-not a single person behind me and I hand the kid my ones and he proceeds to put it in the drawer without counting it. I made a comment (lightheartdly) that he wasn't going to count it, basically "you" just trust me? And he mutters in that teen way he doesn't have the time. Then proceeds to walk to the front of his aisle to wait for a customer to come (none in site mind you). I was like..don't have the time? You just have to rush up there to stand? It wasn't like he had a friend standing up there either, there was no other cashiers on either side of him. So basically he "didn't have the time" to count 38 ones, b/c he had to rush out to the front of his aisle to stand around. I am shocked that this kid has a job, I mean how lazy are you that you can't even imagine counting ones? I thought it was hilarous, but also a little sad. Is this really the work ethic of our youth. That they are too lazy to stand and count?
In other stuff, Lilly is a bit of a neat freak and I am waiting for that to work to my benefit-As in she is old enough to clean my house effectively. In the mean time I will be perfectly fine with her pointing at all the things she wants me to clean and picking up miniscual pieces of string or whatever and handing it to me throw away. Although sometimes this backfires-but usually for daddy. You see,yesterday she picked up a tiny something and walked over to her dad and said here daddy-and he took it-the it started to crawl across his hand. Apparently she picked up an ant and it made it alive to her dad-he definetly did the freakout dance :). Not an hour later she was chasing a fly across the house trying to catch it. Her dad said "if she catches that fly she's handing it to you" Ha-oh summer I suppose we should keep our screen door closed more.
I also forgot to mention one of the new fun/sad things she sais. She will turn to walk outside and she sais "bye guys, I'm outta here". While I think this is super cute, it does remind me that soon she will be a big girl who will be "outta here" for real and looking at her sister only makes me realize how old she is.
Speaking of her sister-we gave her her first taste of rice cereal on her 6 month birthday and she actually ate it. Lilly never ate the cereals unless it was mixed in something. It also surprised me on how watery it was. When Lilly said no to cereal we purried up Avacado as her first meal (which she LOVED) and then everything after that except for fresh pumpkin and broccoli was pretty thick, it kind of surprised me that "they" believe her first meal should be so watery. I will try again tonight with less water. Seemed a bit ridiculous to me. I am happy she ate it though. What a big girl I have.

Pretend..and other stuff

Okay, so Lilly is making me freak out as to how big she is getting. She has recently started to play pretend. I can't believe she is pretending. Like not pretending to talk on the phone or walk around in my shoes, which she has done for awhile, but actually walking over to her kitchen, pretending to turn on her sink, getting me "water" and bringing it to me. She is making food and drinks and I just can't beleive that she is doing these things. To me that seems like the actions of a much older child. She amazes me daily. She has also been incredibly good lately and sweet to her sister. If her sister cries she gives her a toy. I am so blessed.
She also is so cute b/c she has been saying Milp instead of milk and I love it and she we say "see you later" and "come on, mom" and motions her hand so I follow. Its like she is this big person now with cute little kid things that make me want to squeeze her.
So I didn't see ONE person that I used to work with at the picnic I was so dissapointed, but I did get to see how much Lilly enjoys Conner Prairie-we were there for two hours and barely got to do half the stuff there and she had a blast.
Ella is still wonderful and makes me feel like I am the best mom in the world and I can't believe how big she is too. It will be no time before they are both walking and talking like crazy.

Tank tops, Karaoki, and a Reunion of sorts

I don't think men should wear tank tops-that is all. :)

I was driving in the car the other day and felt the suddon urge in all my terrible singing to go somewhere and do Karaoki. Like the all out crazy kind. I have never done it. Never had interest and probably have never been brave enough (b/c lets face it, my singing voice is terrible). But the thought of getting up there and really letting loose, like the wild singing woman I am oh say in my house, car, occasionally at the grocery store and once in awhile walking down the street just was so appealing to me. I will have to put this in my list of wierd things I kind of want to do now.

This weekend I am going to Toms work picnic. I am sort of nervous as I worked there and left in a kind of a weird way. I want to see people though that I haven't seen in years, but I don't really know if I will, but I know I will be searching for them all day. I think it will be awkward but I really want to talk to some of these folks again. Additionally, even if I don't see anyone I used to work with I am sure to see people Tom works with. And let me tell you-the man loves me so much that he talks me up considerably. He also manages to take every funny thing I say and retell it so it seems like all day long I am so funny. So one woman everytime she sees me tells me how funny I am even though I have never made her laugh. Do you know how much pressure it is to live up to being the most beautiful, funny, smart woman ever? I got to say I don't GENERALLY have a low self-esteem but it is a lot of pressure and always makes me feel like I have let everyone down when they meet me. So I am excited and nervous at the same time. I am really hoping to see a couple who while nobody in any universe would put them together while I worked there I would prod and poke them that they should consider the other one as a potential "date"-now they are married with a baby on the way. Sometimes I think I should be a match maker b/c seriously people probably would have given me the arched eyebrow of crazy if I told them I thought these people were a match. Sometimes I think I see people too well.

Finally, a MNO for me and Bible Study

I finally got to go to a MNO-well actually a MNI and it was awsome. I had a couple drinks, great food, conversation. It was nice being out for the evening. I am going to have to do it more often. We played Bunco and while I didn't win any money I didn't worry too much either about the little one at home. I was home at midnight which is crazy for me since I am often in bed by 9 but the girls treated me to a nap the next day after we went to the art fair "downtown". That was also awsome. It made me wish I spent like I used to. This is kind of a sidebar but I am what I consider a shopaholic-in all seriousness. I am currently on the wagon, but I know a frivolous purchase could send me into a tailspin. It doesn't mean I still don't love to walk around and go shopping, I definetly do-but I dont need anyone standing by me saying "go ahead and buy it-its just one little purse". My self restraint has been great for awhile now-I have only gotten nervous when I had to buy things and then I was afraid I would go out of control again, but I have managed to pull myself back. Its kind of like the getting fit thing-my resolve is so strong. I sometimes feel like I am too focused on trying not to fall-fall back into bad habits spending, eating, ect. I guess its what you have to do. Oh and I had a praise for Bible Study and actually said it to my husband but couldn't remember yesterday-it was that I went to Gymboree and I pulled a discount coupon from their giveway (they ranged from 15% of entire purchase to 50%) and I got the 50% off. I literally stood in the store for 10minutes or more just trying to figure out if I should shop knowing full well we didn't need anything..but its 50% off including sale items. I handed the card to another lady that only got 30% and walked out. Praise the Lord.
Now its time to take my resolve and my focus and start turning it towards God. I decided that I would volunteer to help coordinate the Bible Study through our MOPS group. I felt like there was a need and it would hopefully help continue to draw my focus towards the Lord. I immedietly thought of doing a wellness/health study as that is something I think we all struggle with and most of us don't involve God in the process. I think alot of us seperate our physical from our spiritual (ie God is only about our spirit). This simply is not true and actually searching for a Bible Study it was difficult b/c most studies are about our soul in one way or another. Our bodies are completely connected to our soul. In the way we feel and live-so I am hoping others are excited about this study b/c I believe it is widely overlooked as I think most people think when fostering their relationship with Christ they are to look just upon there soul/mind and that is simply not true:
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

I always feel like somebody's watchin (over) me

After seeing a friends blog-I remembered these and just had to post-I love taking pics of sleeping kids although I don't do it as much with Lilly anymore b/c oh what would I do if she woke up? The first is just her giving spidey some cuddling:

This one cracks me up. This was not posed. I walked in and this is what I saw:

Wierd Regrets

I am one of those people that constantly go over things in my mind that I could have done differently. It harps on me. I think what if I didn't say it that way or do it that way? But more often then not the wierdest things are the ones that are so completly insignificant but haunt me. When I was a senior in High School we had Senior sticker day. Every Friday the seniors would hand out stickers to all the other seniors and we would "proudly" walk the halls being marked as Seniors. I kept those stickers to put in my senior book. I didn't have a ton b/c I graduated a semester early and our class wasn't the best about doing it every Friday, but the one that kills me is that one Friday (the week of Freshman I-Steps) the seniors passed out stickers with a foot on them that said I-Step on Freshman. Hilarious right? Well the adminstration thought it was "so mean" and decided to take the stickers from everyone. They actually stood in the hallways confiscating stickers from kids saying "you should be ashamed of yourself" blah di blah.. Seriously, if this really bothered the freshman they needed bigger backbones. Anyway, I remember walking down the hall and seeing the administration 20-30 feet ahead confiscating stickers and the thought crossed my mind "take off the sticker-and put it somewhere-you will want this someday to remember everything about how silly this all is" I didn't take it off, I walked right towards them, let them confiscate my sticker and I have regretted that moment every since. So silly I know but I want that sticker so bad. I just want a piece of that day. The day that those stickers became more than just stickers. Why am I so nutty?

That sinking feeling

You ever catch something out of the corner of your eye, that just makes your heart drop to your stomach. It can sometimes make you a little sick even. The other day Tom had one of these moments. It happened when he saw this:



Lilly had taken her "babies" to play in the mud so they need a good ole' clean-when I asked him to throw something in the wash-that is what he saw when he opened it. He was quiet terrified at first.

In other odds and ends-3 days ago Ella started rolling over with some consistancy and 2 days ago I yelled for Tom and so did Lilly--we have been working on making sure he is Daddy every time now b/c she is very taken with calling him Tom now. Oh no..so it begins :)

Fun in the Sun-Glasses!

Vivid Dream, Song, Lilly Girl, drivers license

So I have vivid dreams..lots of vivid dreams. Tom sais I should write a book. Honestly if GOBS of money just landed in my lap one of my splurges would be a dream interpreter just a phone call away. I know its not real science but seriously, I want to know what they have to say. The other night I had a dream my bf and I were like two cutesy girls that were inseperable and she was dating a Senator and we would call him Senator and he even wore a button that said "Senator" on it. We decided to dress in crazy 70's clothes and she got this huge Barberella hair and tights and we got on a bus where the Senator was sitting in the back of the bus. (I also think I had a crush on him b/c I flirted a little to hard, but maybe it was the "roll" in the dream bc it was kind of sitcomy) Anyway, as I was walking to the front of the bus some old man stopped me and asked me if I knew the girl (my bf) and I was like sure we have been friends forever wanna see some pictures..where then I pulled out a stack of pictures from who knows where and start showing him-and he kept yelling at me that I wasn't showing him fast enough even though I was sliding through them like a flip book. Then Ella cried. So I was up. Wierd huh? I had another dream awhile back with John Stamos in it, but he ha cartoon eyes. Like a real person with huge cartoon eyes.
So in other stuff-the other day I was randomly flipping through the songs on my ipod and came across one I have never heard before-it was pretty interesting-I will post the lyrics when I find them online.
Next-I was at Bible Study on Tues and one of the ladies commented that boys were different then girls and her description of the differences..I was like..no my girl is like that..then I remembered that I have been told by several people who have watched Lilly that she isn't like "normal" girls. She throws herself into things, is rambunctious, not overly sensitive. My little "lady" isn't really all that girly. Sure she likes my little pony and "babies", but when it comes to rough and tumble and keeping up with the boys my girl is all about it. So while at first I thought she was wrong, I realized maybe she is right..boys are very different, but my girl is just not an ordinary girl and that works for me.
Finally, I realized the other day my drivers license sais I am 125lbs. Now I have never--or at least not since I started driving been 125lbs. I try and figure out goals to set for myself and I think-being the weight on my drivers license may just end up being one of them. I would love to walk into the license branch and they say..everything the same? And I say yes, and not feel like they could laugh a bit at the weight section. Woman are funny creatures, even when they are 15-wich btw I have a farely strict policy of not talking about weight around my girls. I so desperately want my girls to grow up thinking they are gorgous at any size. I have a girlfriend whose grandmother always called her pretty and no matter where she is at size wise and she has certainly ranged she is the most confident woman I know. More about confident woman later--but this is why I call my girls gorgous and never pick myself apart in front of them. I will leave my insecurties to myself and hopefully they won't have near as many of them b/c of it.
Such a random poster I am :)

Contradiction of Myself and Half their Size

So I was at the gym yesterday and while lately I have been listening to either sermons or various other podcasts while I workout I decided to switch to music- I flipped on Elvis and immediatly started to push harder (if only this wasn't my last 15 minutes of my workout) Anyway, not only did I push harder but I was totally lip synching, "dancing", just general crazy fun that I am sure if anyone saw me was like "crazy woman". It shot me back to college where I walked to class and just decided "hey I am going to bee bop and sing and who cares who sees me b/c this is how I am having fun with my day" then it shot me through singing in the grocery aisles and dancing out of the Y when I had a great song on a couple of months ago. Pure embaressment as I am neither a great dancer or a great singer, but for some reason when it comes to enjoying the beat I just don't care who sees me. So why do I seem so self conscious about other things, like meeting people for the first time or the 3rd time even. You see me in these moments and you would think I was the most confident person in the world..I mean I really get down (like at church when I belt out the songs-which btw Tom and I have been approached by several different people about our vigor at Church)-I guess I just need to take my booty shakin, terrible singing into other places of my life-I would love my I could care less what people think attitude to encircle my entire life-I guess this is why as a people we are supposed to constantly grow b/c we always have something to work on.
In other thoughts, I was watching Oprah a couple days ago and they were showing dramatic weight loss and one of the people had lost half their size..and I was like amazing..half their size..basically they lost a person-then I realized I am well on my way to losing half my size and still being an extremely healthy weight for my height. Interesting..half my size I never thought that would be me, but it just may be. What an odd thing to think about.

Yay Weekend, Lilly overwhelmed, my favorite time of day, and how quickly we forget

So I had a super weekend. My best friend came to town and we spent all day on Saturday together. We worked out, she helped me get some work done, and we chatted and went for a couple walks and watched a movie (Walk Hard-the Dewy Cox Story). It was just so nice to spend a whole day with company. I forget how nice it is to just have someone to talk to and hang out with all day with no responsibilty. Tom works approx every other Saturday so I am often by myself on Saturdays. Sometimes its nice to unwind, but mostly its just lonely. I could always take the kids out, but generally things on Saturdays are way overcrowded and I just can't imagine bracing that on my own. I used to take them to the grocery to get it out of the way and yea..I decided that is just torture. So anyway-point is...it was really nice having a companion.
I have recently discovered that I think Lilly gets a bit overwhelmed in groups. I used to think she was a bit antisocial, not in what I consider a bad way-she just wasn't much of a joiner. Recently I have taken her to two different friends houses that she has met maybe once or twice and she played well with the other kids and the adults. She also immediatly was taken by playing with my girlfriend who was talking to me primarly so it wasn't like she was super engaging her, but she definetly wanted to play anyway. Then just tonight she willingly played with the neighbor girl who she has only met a couple times but has in the past been fine with going and playing with her before too. It seems like its not that she is anti-social per se, but more she is a one on one kid. Which is interesting since I prefer to be one on one with people as well. I have a much harder time getting comfortable in a group then I am one on one. To be fair though I did catch her playing with a little girl at church which was super cute (the little girl was sitting in a chair with Lilly and they were reading together and the girl would take her hand and lead her around the room playing with her) while this is a one on one interaction there were many kids around so I dont know if she was okay b/c it was just one kid or what. She is also okay at her daycare-where there are several kids and she never seems to have a problem at the Y daycare either. Now first thing in the morning she isn't ready to play at Daycare and I never see her playing with kids at the Y-so I don't really know. But its just an interesting observation that she appears to prefer smaller groups of people.
I love the end of the day. I love when everything is done and we are putting the girls to bed. I love laying in bed with Lilly and reading her the train book that we love to read together. The prayer before bed..the way she takes the book and sais whoo whoo as we leave the room b.c she is reading the book just one more time to herself and then I love peeking at my tiny babe and she smiles in her sleep..she is so happy. I just love my kids....which leads me to
How quickly we forget-the suffering of pregnancy and the after pains. When I was pregannt I was sure I would never go through it again. I hated being pregnant-I loved there was going to be a baby in the end, but really there was so many issues during both my pregnancies I was sure I was done. Now that Ella is here--I feel pretty convicted (who knows what will end up happening after she gets older and maybe things will get more hectic so don't hold me to this) that I do want more kids. I am not surprised that I want more kids, I am surpised that I want to have more kids the "natural" way (not through adoption). I cant tell you how many times I said I never wanted to be pregnant again, but now..now I don't want to be pregnant next week or anything, but my heart is definetly open to more. How quickly we forget or don't really care b/c it means we get to have more children. What a blessing our children are.

Zoo, Working in the Yard, & singing in the "rain"

So really, the pic of me and the girls was the best of many many pics taken--of course I am not sure why hubby thinks it necessary to practically cut off Ella completely so that we have so much blank space above our heads--but this is crops up in ALOT of pics of me/and Lilly. Oh well-what a fun weekend we had!

We need a date night or weekend

Tom always needs these quicker. He wants to date me any chance he can get, however I usually don't NEED a night with just him for a little while..then it just hits me like a wave. I start making dates in my head...last night we were laying in bed and I said.."I want to go out for Indian food" Indian food? Really?? I thought about it b/c I figured it would be interesting, something we have never done..Honestly there are about a hundred things I would like to do...try a Greek place with high recs..use our gift card to Ruth Chris, go to the Melting Pot, Try the Anvil in Cicero..go out on a boat..I don't know--see a movie, go to a casino...really lots of things..we just need to go out together..alone..and regularly. I am pretty sure Ed Young sais you should go on a date night once a month and honestly that was the plan when Lilly was born. Lilly is two..I think we have gone out by ourselves oh maybe 5 times. It was okay after she was born b/c we used to take walks in the evenings and catch up and she was so quiet that we could talk and it was like she wasn't there. Now she is a toddler..a crazy toddler who definetly wants to be part of the conversation and has a mind of her own-we love our family time, but we need a date and unfortunatly using my mom as a babysitter has not worked out in the past so much (she is busy most of the time). So its time to find a sitter. A real reliable once a month sitter. Hey I would even take once a week if we could. Last year we were supposed to take a date Tuesdays with the concerts on the lawn---we didn't end up getting to go ONCE. Not once..ack...okay I am done..
Cuteness that is Lilly-last night she was calling to her daddy and he went in there and she put her hands together and said "more milk..please please please" ridiculous..she is definetly learning cute gets her places. How do we combat this? :)

Dads Lap-a favorite dinnertime spot

Tom startd something when Lilly was little..probably before she could even eat table food. He would hold her while he ate...then he held her and they shared food. She loves this time with him, but now there is competition. Often times he now holds Ella while he eats and Lilly is in the highchair. Well if she gets done early she will often times wander around the house-but if dad is still eating she often times jumps up in his lap. Yesterday---she did something so cute I just about died. She got down, Tom was holding Ella--and she tried to get in his lap too. There is obviously not room for an wobbly infant and a squirmy two year old on his lap, but Lilly doesn't really get that. So she was trying to make a spot and he kept telling her she wasn't going to fit..so what did she do..she turns right around walks over to me and doesn't say anything she just looks at me and starts pointing wildly at her daddy. Needless to say, I got up and took Ella so she could sit in his lap. I couldn't help myself-just the act of her "telling on daddy" for not letting her in his lap cracked me up. Plus she didn't whine or cry...just pointed wildly with a look on her face saying.."mom take care of it" I guess she knows who gets things done around here :)
These past few days have been Blessed...Tom has had a ton of time off work so on Friday-I had a MOPS meeting but didn't take Ella so I could socialize freely without her asking to be held and then we just did lunch, nap, gym thing..it was a good day- Saturday we had a GREAT day. We got up and went to the zoo (which was tricky to get to with the parade going on, but we made it), we then ran errands, cleaned up the house a bit, took a walk as a family--we had a very full day that was filled with family fun AND getting stuff done. Sunday we went to church and then Bob Evans where we ate huge portions of delicious breakfast food..yum yum and then napped and more errands. Monday we really worked on the house and the yard-I hate our yard..every year we try a new approach to make it pretty and it just isn't..I am going to have to call a company b/c we just dont have any skill in landscaping. We laid down some sod where we had previously mulched. I am just hoping this new approach will lead to a prettier yard. It was a busy day, but the girls were good all weekend and we got so much done and had a lot of fun too. Today Tom is back at work, but then he has the next two days off as well. If I get the time I will try and post pics of the zoo time fun and Lilly helping with the yard work (she took my gloves and put them on to play in the dirt--I love it when she mimics).
Time to start my day.

How I refound myself this week

This week I started off in a not so good place. I got frustrated. I let one person frustrate me so much it brought me down. What it did though was make me so fed up I called a couple of old girlfriends I hadn't talk to in awhile. I needed that easy connection or at least to see if there was still a connection there. There was, and additionally God sent me two other friends to chat with for extended periods of time and of course my safe best friend was still thrown in the mix. Five gloriously different, all crazy and wonderful in their own way woman spent time with me this past week. Time I desperatly needed to be reminded that I am likable. I love these girls because they reminded me who I am. Then another miraculous thing happened I read two different articles this week that basically asked about how comfortable I was with my spouse and how well did we know each other. Wow God, Thanks...exactly what I needed. I call myself the introverted extrovert because while I believe that deep inside me I am an extrovert--I was raised by an extreme introvert so I never learned how to be an extrovert--I feel awkward most of the time because of this. But meeting Tom and falling for him and knowing how much he loves me gave me so much confidence. I truelly felt when we got together and still do that if nobody else in the world liked me at least he did and he is my favorite person anyway. These articles reminded me that my husband and I do know eachother very well, and like each other very much. By the end of the week I felt like the confidence and frustration that I was feeling at the beginning of the week was virtually gone. I don't believe anyone is 100% confident all the time, but at least I feel like me again. God is so good.

Cover the Gray? and Things I would do for a million dollars

So after getting my hair cut, I noticed something..my grays..I am developing nice bright gray hair. I have had grays before, I knew they were there, but for some reason chopping off my hair they stick out to me like soar thumbs. I wouldn't dare pull them out b/c I have heard two grow back in their place (probably ole wives tales..but I am not about to risk it). The thing is, I don't really mind going gray I just don't know how to approach it. I have always dyed my hair for fun up to this point, not with purpous and actually decided I would stop coloring my hair b/c it cost to much and I was fine with my natural color. So as I ponder this I think..should I just buck the trend, throw caution to the wind, and let the good times roll..or rather-let myself go gray. Am I really that confident? How long will the graying process last--how will it look as it changes? Questions I am sure nobody has the answer to. So will I color my hair..not today, but go gray...well I guess only time will tell.
Another thing that came up today was what would I do for a million dollars. Anyone that has spent any time with me knows I can talk forever-my husband knows this for sure-so 90% of the time something will come to my mind to talk about and this is what I thought about today. It came about b/c he said he could ride his bike 10miles in the dead of winter and I said no you couldn't..you would never do that..and he said, but he could and I said well that is a silly thing to say..that is like saying I could shave my head for a million dollars, I could but I wouldn't..then I thought about it. A MILLION dollars..okay..I would shave my head. In reality this post should be what I would do for 250,000 dollars--b/c that is the amount I decided would be enough (tax free) to shave my head. I also decided that I could give up cheese for a year for a million dollars and chocolate for five years. My husband said I should start a blog about it and maybe something would intrigue a wealthy person enough that they would decide they would want to pay me 250,000 dollars to shave my head or whatever..I wont be doing that..but I thought I would at least put it here and as the question continues to circle around in my brain that often doesn't quit I will update when I think of more.

Ha Ha

Little Blue Pants..Hand..and Gross stuff

Darn it I was watching Lilly grab a pair of these tiny blue pants off the laundry pile and remembered a story..First off-for some reason she thinks these pants are a hat currently and while she is not putting them on her own head she is resting them on her sisters head and saying "hat"-now if she could actually get it on her head and not that I would let her get that far this could be a very funny look. Anyway, the only reason these pants are on the laundry pile is that somehow they got pulled out of the too small for anyone bag and put in a drawer (Lilly antic at naptime). The thing that makes this story crazy/funny for me is that one morning Tom got up with the girls and when I emerged Lilly was wearing these pants--size 0-3 months. Yes, He squeezed her into pants Ella isn't even wearing anymore b.c "they were in her drawer". This is the difference between moms and dads. Moms would know those pants shouldn't be in the drawer..they would also realize they are so small--who cares if they are in the drawer they obviously don't fit. I just couldn't believe my 2T year old was squeezed into size 0-3 months (which were capris on her-ha).
The other thing that came to mind is Lillys whole thing with taking my hand and saying "hand" as she does it..which means she wants to lead me somewhere. I love this but she is tough..and often times I am feeding her sister..but boy will she hold my hand with such strength and determination, esp when she needs to show me something "gross".
To this I have to say Thank God she was never one of those kids to put gross stuff in her mouth- instead she freaks when she sees anything resembling anything gross. She points at it with such determination and will not stop talking about it until it is cleaned up--she can't get it out of her head. I mean I am talking fuzz balls here that could be gross. Occasionally, as cats do the vomit in her playroom and she will go in there all nonchalant to play and all of a sudden she will come tearing out screaming and yelling at me to follow her-to which she walks me directly to the grossness for me to promptly clean up. I don't know where she got this behavier-but it just goes to show you sometimes Nature is stronger than Nurter b/c I am really not that clean of a person-physically I shower every day--house--often in shambles. I mean I wouldn't let cat vomit just hang out--but I certainly never screamed and freaked when I saw it..neither has Tom. I am honestly hoping what this means is-she will be a super neat kid who wants to clean the house b/c she can't stand living in a mess. Hey I will gladly give her a pretty decent allowance if she wants to clean the house for me..Crossing my fingers :)

My heart swells

I gotta admit-documenting the cutest things my kids do really makes it easier to love the awful stuff (Lillys new found issue with screaming). I guess writing all or almost all the good stuff down allows me to focus on what cute little sweetie pies they are. Yesterday I was leaving the Y and Lilly was running ahead as I often let her do. She is an independent spirit and I want to encourage that-I have enough fear of the world for the both of us. So she was run run running along and she stops turns around and motions to me to hurry up..she even did this drop thing with her eyes like you would imagine a big kid doing. It was so cute I just wanted to run and squeeze her.
This morning, she is playing with her cash register and she of course brought it over by her sister, b/c she loves her and wants to share with her what she is doing-the cutest part came when she handed her a "ten" dollar bill out of the register and then said "more" and signed it, several times-basically asking her if she wanted more and signing it too in case she didn't understand her words. She did end up piling a bit of cash on her sister, but all in the spirit of sharing and play right?
Right now Lilly is crawling all over me while her sister blows the hardest rasberries on the floor. In a minute I am sure there will cries and screams all around as that is usually the drill..lots of quiet and fun and then total meltdown from both at the same time. But I suppose you can't be good and cute 24/7-I know I'm not.

Whistle, kiss, and why me?

So Lilly has taken it upon herself to become an excellent whistler..she isn't entirely consistent, but she does whistle when her dad does or I do and she uses it as a tool to get the dog to come to her. I love how she mimics. The other day I was looking for the cats and I was making kissey noises and saying..here kitty kitty..to which she was like..:kissey noise:: "meow where are you..meow" and I said..say "here kitty" and she was like ::kiss:: "kitty?". Speaking of kisses, she isn't really a kisser, she has on the rare occasion kissed me or her dad or Nana (she will kiss her sister..and she will make things kiss eachother and her sister..and she will kiss stuffed animals..she just isn't a big people kisser), but she has always been pretty good about blowing kisses. And now she is getting great at it. She makes the best noise as she kisses her hand, I just love it. The other thing she did just the other day that I did not get to bare witness to, was she found these Precious moments lawn ornaments on a walk and when her dad could take no more of their "conversations" he said "tell them bye" to which she stroked each one of there heads, kissed her hand and actaully blew out..like she was officially blowing the kiss opposed to just the kiss and wave motion she had previously and usually does. Seriously--I wish I had a video camera with an editing team going all the time.
Finally, why oh why does my cat hate me? First off..I have two cats..one is my dear. I love her a ridiculous amount. The second, Tom and I got together to be a friend for my oldest cat, but she has always been a "distant" cat, who favors Tom. Fine, I don't care that she favors him--I have enough "critters" hanging off me all day long I don't need the cat too..but I feel like she has a vendetta against me. 3 times now (including this morning) I have gotten ready to get in the shower, and she has stood at the sink as I got ready to brush my teeth and shot poo at me. Yes, you heard me..it is vile and hits me in total shock and has officially occured 3 times. Has this ever happened to Tom? No. Has this ever happened like anywhere or on anything else in the house that I can tell. No. She is aiming and firing..the only positive I can gather is that at least I am getting ready to get in the shower..but still.Vile cat- had I only known.

Rasberries, Bon Jovi, and the girl in the plastic tube

Ella is currently blowing rasberries like crazy..I never remember Lilly getting this into it, but she loves it and is making all kinds of noises with it too..I just want to give her squishy kisses when she does this..I grabbed the video camera, but of course it is dead. I can either never get it loaded in time or it is dead..sometimes I wonder why bother.
While I watch her be so cute its ridiculous I am also watching some CBS thing on Bon Jovi and I have to say..so hot and great music. I can't imagine someone not loving Bon Jovi--so if that is you, I mean..don't tell me b/c he is such a super nice guy, so good looking, and totally rocks (musically I mean) so I just couldn't understand. Most musicians eventually let me down..Don't let me down Bon Jovi..please
And finally, Lilly has this ball toy that pops the balls in the air and there is plastic tubing and of course like most kids she sticks other things besides balls in the tube. Well she stuck one of her little people in there and so the toy is currently sitting in the bathroom sink before I get around to fixing it (one of the only places she won't ask about it). Anyway, Tom asked me about it..and then he made one of his offhand comments about how he looked at that and thought how terrifying that would be, to be trapped in a plastic tube and know you probably won't get rescued for a couple weeks or at least days. I now feel incredibly bad for that little person toy and am upping the priority on my list of getting her out. Never thought this would be a thought I would even consider having. Life is funny like that.

75 and Counting

After marrying Tom I grew into the whole--your in love and married and lets just settle in and eat and just enjoy life mode-which amounted to somewhere of a gain of 30 to 35lbs (I was really enjoying life--well to be perfectly honest about 15 was enjoying life, the other 15 was due to ballooning after personal tragedy). I finally decided to do something about it after a girlfriend came back to visit and she had lost a ton of weight, she inspired me and so I worked my rear off and lost 30lbs. I almost immediatly got pregnant with Lilly and that 30lbs came back fast and furious along with another 40. After Lilly was born about 30-35 came off naturally and I didn't do a darned thing to work off the rest. I used the excuse of breastfeeding and the fact that I would be having another baby soon so why bother. To be fair though I don't know when I would have had the time I was pumping every hour for 15 minutes and Lilly only took 15 minute naps, but I am sure I could have found a way if I wanted to. I just didn't. Then I got pregnant with Ella and packed on an additional 60lbs. I knew as I got bigger and bigger with her that when she came out I would need to make a change. I set a date, the date she was entering the world-to change the way I ate and as soon as I got the okay to start working out I would. I thought about that date alot. When people say they are going to start trying to lose weight Monday-I had the Monday picked for a long time so I was ready. I firmly believe you really have to want to lose weight and be ready-I prepared my mind for months before hand. I also set a goal 75lbs in 6 months. This past week at just around 4months I lost 75lbs. I watch what I eat-still eating what I love just watching portions--I don't believe in dieting--who really can go their entire lives without eating the things they love--this is why people fail-they diet-lose the weight and then return to their previous lives and gain the weight back. I also work out alot--I am diligant at getting to the gym 6 days a week and working out for at least an hour and 15 minutes a day-most the time it is more though. I try and get out as much as I can with walks with the family-I am just trying to change my life so my family is active and my kids don't have the problems with food that I have. (I love all things terrible for you in bulk). My reward was getting my hair done as previously shown. Now its time to set new goals and new rewards. I am enjoying this journey and am proud of my accomplishments. It never ceases to amaze me what I can do once I set my mind to it. Now if only I would concentrate on World Peace or something truly important. Which actually, now that my life is settling into a real schedule I am seeing goals in the horizon I have been wanting to accomplish..so this whole weight loss thing is not only good for the body-its good for the soul as it encourages me to push towards other things-as I know I can do all things through Christ.

yesterdays "rant"

Is about one person..one person that I am trying to be a good Christian and forgive for their nasty disposition-maybe they weren't raised any better...today I am going to spend the day with my hubby which makes me happy as he has been working alot lately and I missed him yesterday while he was at work all day and am ready for a whole day of family fun so that little things don't get me so frustrated (like nasty people--shouldn't let them control my mood).

I wish I liked everybody...but I don't

The truth is, I wish I had more friends..but I don't and there are people that I really don't like. I want to be a bad Christian and complain about those people..talk nasty about them b/c I think they are nasty people, and honestly I do with the few friends I have. I know its not the right thing to do, we should all be accepting loving people, but its so hard. I think this Biblical principle is one I struggle with alot. I have every intention of trying to be a warm and open person, but I honestly think I read people too well. I am a firm believer in friends for a reason, season, lifetime. My best friend in the world besides my husband is my friend for life and I know my husband and I will be together for the duration of our lives, but why does it feel like its so hard to add to the mix? This is a mixed post. The truth is I walked into this post really ready to go on and on about people I don't like, but as I got down to it I realized I wish there was more people that I do (like). Its not that there aren't plenty of people that I like thats really not what I mean..what I mean is really like..like be close to. I guess I just wish my best friend lived closer sometimes b/c it can seem lonely sometime not having someone around like her..that gets me (besides my hubby-b.c honestly that man gets me better than anyone). Thank God church is tommorow b/c I am ready to get some worship going, maybe tommorows passage will be on loving my neighbor--but I am guessing not since that was last week-I guess I shouldn't have left early.

So my face isn't the first thing you see..

Hair Today--Gone Tommorow

This was my hair Thursday before I left to get it cut (and a terrible pic)and after I got it cut (much better pic):




Yes its really as short as it looks.

Mystery solved? Heeeelp and Bath Wings

So we took Lilly to the Dr. and apparently its some wierd bacterial thing that has already passed the contagious point, so if your kids get it--sorry-one wouldn't jump to the conclusion that a diaper rash would be contagious. She also apparently (I dont really believe this) has hand, foot and mouth disease--which the dr. said are unrelated. Two seperate rashes that are unrelated? Seems fishy to me. Either way-there is nothing I can do now as she is passed the contagious phase--so do not go running screaming from my child :).
Lilly asks for help now, has for some time..and I have to say its the cutest thing ever. Its just the way that she sais it..its kind of like He-elp..or he-eeelp. I don't know it gets me every time and I repeat it back to her b/c I hope she keeps saying it, just like when she walks all in the buff from her room to bath-her dad always sais--tell mamma where your going and she throws her arms back and sais bath. For some reason she pairs throwing her arms back with bath..so we call them bath wings..and I love them..I dont want her to ever stop..but at some point I assume she will and I am guessing at some point it really wouldn't be cute anymore..can't imagine it being to cute if I did it. Its just these tiny things that make having children so wonderful. I never knew there would be all these little fun things that are special to your child. Now to give the babe screaming help a bath.

Did my sister love me this much..and a mystery illness?

I am absolutely amazed at the love Lilly has for her sister. She cuddles her, cares for her, kisses her, shows so much concern when she cries. I dont have to worry about leaving her sister somewhere b/c Lilly is constantly asking "wheres baby". She wants to share the world with her, I have never noticed one inkling of jelousy, she just likes having her around to sit next to, to hold hands with, to talk to. She keeps other kids at bay, and often sit protectively by her when I go to the Y. She will be sitting next to her reading a book. I just wonder if my sister loved me this much. I mean I know my sister loves me, but when we were babes...did she care for me and cuddle me so much-I hope she did. It would be nice to know you were loved so much by such a little person when you were so little yourself.
On another note I am somewhat concerned about Lilly. On Tuesday morning we went to Bible study per the norm and she played outside like you just all the time, but when we came home she really didn't eat a big lunch, but went right to sleep for nap. When we went to the Y they came and got me b/c she threw up. She was fussy in the evening but ate and was fine. Then Wed she woke up kind of fussy, but ate and basically was just really cuddly all day, but basically okay except for a developing rash in her diaper area and then she threw up again after dinner. Today her rash is worse an it is spreading to her knees and feet. What is this rash? It appears to be itching her, its really bad in her diaper area, but doesn't look like any rash I have ever seen. I think I am just going to take her to the Dr. tommorow. My thoughts are it could be an allergy rash from the chamoille tea we have been giving her, often times those things need to build up in the system (like the time Tom's throat started closing up after the 6th time in a week he at a pizza that he later found out they made the pepperonis with chicken--it took awhile but the allergy presented itself). That is the only thing different, unless she ate something outside or walked in something outside at Bible Study, but I can't imagine it would present in the diaper area first and then spread to the knees. I am just praying its not chicken pox as previously posted she loves on her sister all the time and I would be very nervous with Ella getting the pox so early. Ugh..I just want my babies to be healthy...we were sooooo close.

No MNO for me

Sometimes I think I am cursed tp leave the house. Tonight was my Bible study MNO and I really wanted to go, but its almost 7:30 and I am hooked to a baby--MNO started at 7. I tried putting her down at 7..she screamed-she has been particularly fussy today. Actually both girls have been hanging off me in one way or another all day. I suppose I should be grateful there hasn't been anymore vomiting..well except for tonight after dinner...BAH...I think she just choked..but who knows. I think I will go to bed early tonight as I am about done with the ups and downs of today.

ha ha

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

A Pregnancy Blunder

This story came to me today and I thought I would post it as it was very much the perfect sum of where my head was at when I was pregnant. I often pull up to my house to stop and get the mail before entering the garage. Esp on rainy days or snowy days as any indication of walking outside of the house Lilly jumps on me to go out and she wants to stay outside and dinner time on a rainy day is not the best time for this. So I stopped at the mailbox and jumped out to get the mail. I am kind of a watcher-even though I am not very far I am always afraid someone is going to run up, jump in the car and steal my girl(s). So even though I am 10ft from the mailbox I keep checking back. This day was no different but as I looked back at my car, it is in fact gone...well rolling away actually..with Lilly in it..towards the house. I was not a "fit mama" but I booked it towards my rolling car with visions of a crash into my bedroom, a terrified Lilly, ect ect. As it happened I managed to get to the car before it got to the house, jumped in and realized Lilly was none the wiser, the car was moving very slowly, my house is on a downward slope-who knew?, and running at that stage of the game was no fun-I was so sore for 2 days I couldn't walk. My distracted self didn't put the car in park. Oh oh happy I am that this was just a funny story at the end of the day and not a hole in my house or a hurt kid story.

Sick Child, Sad Child, and Vitamins

I have had a rough couple afternoons with the girls. First Monday with Ella, then yesterday Lilly threw up and she was pretty lethargic and fussy so I don't know whats goin on there. She woke up kind of grumpy as well so I am concerned this day isn't going to be much better, but occasionally these things are nothing and I will know this afternoon, but I am just hoping my morning is no indication of the rest of the day. Additionally, last night I left for about an hour and a half and Tom went to bed. He loves to sleep with a box fan going, but I can't hear the girls when its on and I honestly think it has a stupid purpose b/c every time I touch him when the box fan is on he is super warm. I think what it serves to do is make his body work harder to get warm and so he is sweaty hot and then he thinks he needs the fan-not to mention it is white noise which drowns out many other noises--like a baby crying. Which is what I walked into Ella doing. How long she was crying I will never know and that is the worst part for me. We all have moments that we are sleeping too hard to hear our babies and we snap out of it and don't know how long they were crying..I mean at least I think we do. Less so woman I believe but I think it happens on occasion so I can't really blame him..I choose to blame the Box Fan..I hate that box fan. We are now at war.
Finally, when I went to the Dr.s they asked me if I was giving Ella vitamin supplements, which they have asked the past 2 times as well to which I reply No. They say breastfed babies need it b/c my milk doesn't contain enough Vit D to help process the calcium or something to that degree. I tend to take a religious approach on this and say..its a God thing, my milk is meant and produced directly to feed my child-it is perfect from nature and I can't for the life of me see why God would leave out enough vit d to process the Calcium so that babies would be Calcium deficent. And then she said something else, she told about another baby that had been in that was dark skinned, born in the winter and had extreme calcium defiency (I think the story was meant to scare me into using them), but then she through in there haphazardly that the winter part shouldn't mean much b/c "we don't bring our babies in the sun". Hello...the good Lord gave us the sun so that we could reap the benefits of the Vitamin D it provides---I have heard before "don't bring your baby in the sun" but I always thought that was pretty crazy. I mean sure, don't let them bake outside all day-be responsible (maybe this is why they say none at all b/c people seem to use such poor judgement these days?). I for one bring my baby outside as often as I can within reason-so like my oldest daughter who they never once recommend the supplement during her breastfeeding time(9Months)she will be healthy and fine and get her D the old fashioned way. JMO-no insult to anyone who chooses to do things differently.

The shot heard round the world..or at least that's how it feels

Why do they make you hold your babies arms and stare into their face as the poke them viciously in the leg while plainly out of view. Yesterday Ella had shots and she was smiling at me as I held her down and knew what was coming..I wanted to look away, wear a mask, make her understand this was not me, but I couldn't I had to look into her eyes. Then my normally fuss free child had a terrible afternoon, she was so incomfortable. The had forgotten to give her tylanol at the Dr.'s-something I was counting on. Every time my girls have gotten shots I have just given Tylanol-no way was I going to wait for them to feel pain and I have never noticed any sort of fussiness. Now I know, I know that she was in pain. She ached, and I ached for her. Yesterday was supposed to be a good day, my easy day of the week, but it was too hard to keep my mind in the game when I could see my little girl fighting through her pain to try and smile at me. What a brave child I have. I think I will go give her a hug now.

HA..ha ha

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Don't hate the Duggers and Pina Coladas in the Rain

Okay so I was driving to work this morning and they were talking about how the Dugger family is pregnant again with their 18th child. So many people were like 'irresponsible, crazy, ect". Okay, I saw the People magazine article on them and they are financially well off and all their kids look well cared for and loved. I think there is something to be said for a family who REALLY turns their life over to God. We are all supposed to do it, we all say we try, but how many of us are willing to carry 18 kids and care for them b/c God keeps blessing us? I know I wouldn't. Additionally, good for them for still be "active". After 17 kids you would think they wouldn't have time for their marriage, but apparently they are making it work. I am getting a little tired of people having issues with peoples choices when it comes to family planning...if they are taking care of their kids its none of your business.
Anyone truelly listen to the words to the Pina Colada song..I used to love that song, then I listened to it and I am like...what?? They basically were both planning on cheating on eachother and when they caught each other they were like "oh ha ha..its you". Why weren't they pissed? Tom actually dated a girl who said the song was romantic. Sorry, but I don't see the romance in cheating on your spouse. Admittingly, I still enjoy the song, but I can't help but now cringe a bit every time I hear it. Why couldn't have been about finding new love. Bah!

Northern Exposure-Alaska bound?

So when I had Lilly I had DVR and would record all kinds of things to watch in the evening which for the first two weeks of life included the Amazing Race-but more notably The Drew Carey Show and Dharma and Greg--what a fun time I had laughing away in the middle of the night (sort of--at least I was able to gather what was going on in these light sitcoms). Well in an attempt to step away from technology a bit we got rid of our DVR last year and cable. If you know how I was raised and my love of tv you know this was a crazy sacrafice for me, but I felt it needed to be done-I needed to unplug if you will. So I was concerned about what I would do when Ella entered our lives. Watch late night infomercials-again if you know me not a good idea--I would probably have a million whats its and whos its by now. So since Gilmore Girls was out of season and is one of my all time favorite shows I decided to get the series and watch it through again. This took about 2 months. And truthfully I loved it, second time around and all and I am not much of a rerun girl. Then I needed something else so I went to the boards--if you like Gilmore Girls you may also like..boards. Northern Exposure popped up a couple of times, but I wasn't entirely sold until Tom said...hey have you thought about Northern Exposure...okay fine this was it...I bought the entire series of Northern Exposure and have been plugging away for the last 2 months (I am sad to say I am almost done, and don't know what I will do next-I was hoping Ella would be sleeping through the night by now).
Anyway, it truely makes me want to live in Alaska....I have done research on the town they lived in and its really in Washington..okay fine I can live in Washington. Hey Washington is close to Oregon..I could live in Oregon...I honestly don't know where the years will take me, but when I put on my wedding band somehow it came with a bite for nature and all those trees and lakes and quiet has been calling me for some time. The more kids I have the more I long for open land, a creek to wade in--a world that isn't me trapped so close to my neighbor that I think they can hear our conversations at night.
I'll take the snow..I'll take the rain..just give me a little bit of nature to dip my toe in for we our Gods people and we are meant to enjoy the land he has given us and we are built to feel the wind in our hair and climb a tree once in awhile.

Nature made=Nature lover

Since I have decided to do this, every little thing that I could think to write about keeps popping in my head and the problem is I don't sleep at night if I don't get this stuff down--I just toss and turn and write in my head, so I am trying to get it all out before bedtime.
This may not be something Lilly will want to hear about when she grows up, but it is no secret. Her dad and I love the outdoors. I never grew up an outdoors person, never camped a day in my life. Parked most of my life in front of a tv, but then I met Tom and that all changed. Tom actually proposed under the stars in a tent when we were camping on th beach. 3 years later we concieved Lilly in a tent in the woods. 9 months later Lilly was born and she has loved nature and being outdoors ever since. When she was 2 weeks old she was crying so much I couldn't think of anything to do, so I walked outside-the moment the sun hit her face she stopped crying. The outdoors has always given her such joy. When we would take walks outside she was always at peace, she loved looking out the windows and when she was little she would smile and coo every time we walked under a tree. She stands in the wind and loves the rain on her face. Every puddle is her friend and every ray of sunshine gives her joy. There has been only one time that the weather was so cold she didn't want to be outside. I am amazed at her great love of all things nature and how much peace it brings her. When she is crying unconsolably we take her outside and within minutes or less all is well again. I am glad my girl loves the outdoors and even on crummy days-she just wants to be outside. I can't wait till the weather finally gives us days where I want to consistantly go outside so that we can get back to nature..and maybe even go camping or at least a trip to a cabin in the woods or a beach house. For her happiness and ours a family vacation in the great outdoors needs to happen soon.
Ella--is much happier indoors...funny how that works--hopefully we can convince her outside is as good or better than in.

Breathing is a sign of life

Oh how I wish that the copy that is Lilly of her dad didn't include his breathing issues-unfortunatly it has. Last August we changed out the carpet in our house and a day later Lilly was breathing so hard we went to the emergency room where they did a x-ray of her tiny little lungs and found that her lungs were consistant with asthmatic. Since then we have been trying to find the perfect formula for keeping her out of the hospital. Which includes nightly pulmacort treatments that often iclude albuteral as well. She is on Singular too-the cough remains but for a couple months there she was breathing normal and never sick. Unfortunatly, the last several months have not been so good with it. I think she is finally starting to feel better as seasonal allergies seem to be seeping away due to the warmer weather coming. It just makes me sad though, Tom had to miss school events b/c they would be going somewhere where his asthma would flair and he went to the hospital several times as a child. I just hope it never gets that bad. Its hard too b/c we have such a brave little girl-she is the best sick kid-she barely ever complains--she just has to be this certain level of fussy for me and usually only me(can tell) that she has something going on. The thing is, I think I suspected this since she was a baby b/c she always had a cough..always. Every time I went to the Dr. I would say she coughs..and they would brush past it. I knew eventually allergies would rear its head. The cough was sustaining itself so badly for months that it was causing her to vomit when she cried and ate (which made punishing her hard and feeding her a nightmare). I finally decided something else had to be the cause so I took her to a Gastro guy and we did an food allergy test (which so far sais Egg whites) and gave her an upper endoscopy which came out fine (although 2 days after she had her first bout with vomiting for several days ever--she was brave..I was a wreck wondering if she should go to the hospital--she ended up being fine) The problem with that was that she is such a milk lover and you can't give them milk..that was the biggest fight we had--her desperatly searching for milk. Anyway, since that little "flu" she has only thrown up once or twice and she had been vomiting almost ever day if not twice a day sometimes. So I am grateful that we are past that rough patch. I tease Tom that he gave her asthma and he tries to deny it, but I say when they need glasses and braces you can blame me (both of which he has never needed). Although truthfully I am hoping she grows out of asthma and never needs glasses or braces (we took her to an eye Dr. who said there is a good chance she won't need glasses based on what he saw..I don't know how he could tell at this point but I will take it as a hope for now--we took her to the eye dr. to check to make sure she wasn't developing a lazy eye--she is fine, the bridge of her nose is so wide it gives the appearance sometimes but is not a lazy eye). Okay that went on a tangent..I guess I am just trying to spill out all the bigger memories I have missed out on writing about the past couple years.
Finally, Ella does not cough nearly as much as Lilly did when she was a baby--she does have a cough that she got with a cold that has held on for 3 weeks now, but it is a "sick" cough not the cough Lilly had as a baby..so my hope is asthma evades this one. They are already so different I could imagine this would be a difference as well.

Talk is cheap but I would pay for it

I only have one who is talking and boy has the ball started to roll on this one. Lilly's first words were da da...totally fitting as their relationship is two peas in a pod, but soon after she growled ma ma..literally growled it. Slowly other words began to come cat, bye, hi, okay, whats that (this one is still a favorite), the the occasional random word that never came back. One time I said shoebox to her and she repeated it. For a long time she used sentances out of the blue, she never really said words until the past couple months, but she would bust out with these complete sentances. I remeber one time I said "please be careful" and she repeated it. She amazed me with this strange way of picking up language. She also struck me with odd occurances. One time I opened a book and she pointed at the picture and said duck-I had never even said duck to her and I asked around and nobody else seemed to either-its as if she read it off the page(as I am saying this she sees a duck out the window and is saying duck). She has always been a nature lover though (again another post). Her favorite words to this day are Duck and Tree. She still favors meow and barking at dogs and cats instead of actaully saying cat and dog, although she will on occasion, but I believe she thinks she is talking to them. We have been working on elephant where we hold out our arms and make a whooo sound. So fun when she does it. The most favorite things that she sais though are the ones that make me feel like I am doing my job. After someone sneezes she sais Bless You and when she talks on the phone, fake or otherwise she will say Hi, How are you. Its good to know that her mimic of us is seeing us get on the phone and immediatly ask someone how they are doing. I am tring to remember all these little things to document a year so I am guessing what is going to happen is I will have sporadic memories now that I am trying to remember things to write them down and there will be random short posts about them. Oh well-at least I am trying. I am also grateful for the most recent phrase which is "all done" which she sais now instead of throwing her food on the floor to indicate being finished (this was a big problem for a long time that we tried many different ways of fixing but none worked-so thank God it is seemingly over) she also sais "all done" when she is done playing with a certain toy and wants to hand it off. So fun..I can't wait till they are both talking.
This reminded me of something random and unrelated, but Lilly is a bit retentive--so if she sees a remote on the couch she is extremely diligint in getting it to me. She will even take them from her dad and bring them to me. I guess we can see who controls the remote in our house :) Ha.

Oh Mother!

Today is Mothers Day and unlike my Birthday which I feel is seeping into something I could care less about as I get older I actually feel like this day is very much for me--with a catch 22 in that it is also for my Mother. So while I feel like I very much deserve this day--it makes me realize how important this day was/is for my mother, b.c I am sure she deserved it and I feel like I never do/did enough for her now realizing how hard she must have worked. Either way a day for mom is a day of great significance b.c as a mom we work our tails every day and if we don't we tend to feel a little guilty about it.
Anyway, today I was honored with a card from my hubby (he writes the best cards--he doesn't just find a card and sign it he writes something and they are so special to me), a big ole' brunch, a great morning at Church, and a delightful 3 hour nap (the girls must have sensed it was a special day to sleep so long), and a wonderful art project-constructed by hubby..with a little mix of the girls thrown in. What a great day to be a mom--there was hardly one fuss all day long. My life is truely blessed.

Talking..the words that we say

Ha Ha..just kidding--I am done for the night. I will pick up on this later.

Laughter and Rolling over natures best medicine and flipping from one side to the next

Oh laughter--this was a wonderful thing to hear. The first time Lilly laughed it was of course at her dad. She always has had a special bond with him. It was a little tight giggle. She was in her bouncer and he was carrying her from one room to the next and making the Tom face at her that he does to get the girls to laugh. At some point I may try and get a picture so that all can understand the face. She was probably 4 or 5 months and we have been cracking her up ever since. When Lilly was 6 months old I new I could get her to laugh if I sang ba ba ba babaranne..take my hand....ect. Tom could get her to laugh by being Tom..Lord gave him a face for comedy..handsome..but man can he make it look silly. Today I found a new way to make Lilly laugh besides tickles and telling jokes (which btw she has always had the uncanny ability to hear my sarcastic humor when I tease her dad and out of the blue laugh..she couldnt have possibly understood what I meant, but somehow she knew laughter was appropriate, that would get me every time). I let her squish my face and make "fart" noises. I am sure this will come back to haunt me, but honestly I have no intention of raising little ladies. I want my girls to have fun--be appropriate and loving and all that, but I find people are way too serious. She couldn't get over the humor of this and really it made me laugh too. This reminds me of another thing that her and her dad did that would crack me up and her. Tom used to take her before I got pregnant and he would hide with her when I was coming in from places or around corners and there would just be her face or she would be there right as I walked around the corner at eye level. Used to scare the tar out of (I have become a lot more jump since marrying Tom). Then I would scream..and at first Lilly would look a bit shocked..so I would laugh as not to scare her..and it really was funny..and so she would crack up. Soon..just catching me scared as can be she didn't need to wait for me to laugh she would just laugh and laugh. Tom is raising a protoge in that one that will surely take years off my life...but at least they will be exciting. Oh laughter is the best in my house..in fact it was the one thing Tom said over and over when Ella was born--"I can't wait till she is laughing" Fortunatly for me though, it was my turn--not only did Ella laugh, she laughed super early somewhere around 6 weeks and at me. She thinks I am hilarious--she showers me with giggles all the time..she is also extrememly tickleish so we get her on the neck and the ribs all the time. Oh she definetly laughs at Tom too, but I think its only fair I got her first this time around. I am glad she is such a happy girl. You worry how someone is going to fit into your family. Lilly as I have said is so perfect for us, she is exactly what I asked for (and I am sure I will post more on this later). So when you throw someone else in the mix there is a fear..what if she doesn't laugh with us, love like us, what if she doesn't fit. So you cannot even begin to know my relief when she laughed so early and slipped right in, laughing at her sister, her dad, everything she could. She was a message from God saying "I will always make them fit"
A quick note here as I am almost ready to be done with all this blogging for one night (I told you a kamakazi). Ella rolled over twice last week for the first time, I am so proud, but she doesn't seem much interest in continuing. When I do tummy time she doesn't get upset either, just lays her head down and waits for it to be over. Lilly was much more rambunctious about everything. I am by no means concerned that she is delayed and I am glad she is parking in baby mode right now, but I will be excited to see her start rolling like ball across the room or at least over more regularly. I am so proud of my girls--who knew watching someone flip from one side to the next would give you such a sense of pride? And from experience I know it will only get better.